Sura 34, Ayat 18-19
And we set between them and the towns that We had blessed towns easily seen, and We measured the distance between them: “journey between them in security by night and by day.”
But they said, “Our Lord, increase the distance of our journeys.” And they wronged themselves; so We made them as tales [of old] and tore them completely to pieces. Truly in that are signs for all who are patient, thankful.
In these two verses, we find a clear and direct injunction from Allah to all of us: Do not sabotage yourself.
These ayat come from the 34th Sura of the Quran, titled Saba (Sheba). It relays a narration of the ancient people of Saba (Sheba), who lived in present-day Yemen. The people were blessed with numerous resources such as a fertile land. The Quran states, “Indeed, there was a sign for the tribe of Sheba in their homeland: two orchards—one to the right and the other to the left. They were told: Eat from the provision of your Lord, and be grateful to Him. Yours is a good land and a forgiving Lord.” (34:15). Another blessing the people were given, as the ayat relay, is the help God provided them as they travelled. God created small towns easily seen and laid out in between the beginning and end of the journey. These small towns helped the people of Sheba by providing places they could rest and reequip in their long journeys for trade.
However, for some strange reason, the people of Sheba asked for their journey to become longer and harder. They ignored the fact that God was helping them by placing small towns as guideposts along their trips. Instead, they asked God to make their journey more difficult. This is an example of wishing harm on oneself or self-sabotage. Notice that the ayat tell us such thinking is wrong and clearly show us the dire consequences of such thoughts.
Unfortunately, self-sabotaging thoughts and behavior are common parts of human nature. We can see them in our own lives and in the people we know. Often, we are unaware of the motivations that lead us to self-sabotage. That is why the practice of self-reflection is so important. By evaluating ourselves, we may gain insight into why we do the things we do. Let’s discuss four situations where self-sabotage commonly manifests itself:
- Relationships, especially romantic relationships –
- Leaving a healthy relationship – Many people break up healthy long-standing relationships in an impulsive fashion. They may suddenly pick fights with their spouse or partner for no real reason. They may become withdrawn, indifferent, or nonchalant. They may want space, independence, and freedom to the point that there is no more relationship to speak of. As in all self-sabotaging behavior it is important to understand the fears, desires and motivations that drive such behavior. People who give up on a good relationship may be scared of commitment, feel they do not deserve love, or become infatuated with someone else. They may be uncomfortable with compromise or unable to share control. They may have expectations of their partner that are unfair or unrealistic. They may know deep inside that what they are doing makes little sense and will only harm them down the line. Whatever the reason, it is worth asking if self-sabotage is playing a role in the desire to end an otherwise good relationship.
- Staying in an unhealthy relationship – Many people, especially women, stay in abusive relationships. While there are complex and compelling reasons why leaving such situations can be difficult or dangerous, many stay even though they have the insight, means, and resolve to leave. Leaving such relationships requires deep introspection and an understanding of what is making them stay. For example, they may have childhood memories of parental strife and don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like. Perhaps poor self-esteem makes them feel they don’t deserve any better. Getting to the bottom of these complex issues is a necessary step if one is to have the courage to leave and look for a healthy relationship with someone else. Let us recognize that God did not have to create the emotion of love for human beings. He chose to give us this gift. One of His names is Al-Wadud, The Loving. We owe it to ourselves to allow love into our lives, love that comes without abuse, disrespect, or codependency. And we owe it to our partners to be the best versions of ourselves we can be, strong, resourceful, and happy, for them and for our relationship with them.
- Educational or Professional Success – You know you should be preparing for an important exam. However, instead of listening to the little voice in your head telling you to study, you end up wasting time on the internet every night. You have a big deadline to meet at work and plan to devote extra time to this project. However, you undermine your plans by embarking on a major overhaul of your garage instead. You have a reputation of being excessively critical of others. In a high-profile meeting, despite your gut telling you to stay quiet, you criticize a colleague who is not present, knowing this will hurt your reputation further.
- There are a myriad number of reasons why you may be working against yourself in your academic or professional life. As a child you may have been told that you are not as smart as your siblings. Perhaps you are studying or working in a field only to impress your family and wish to leave but can’t find the strength to do so. You may have suffered an academic or professional set back early in life and are replaying the event over and over in your mind’s eye. It is worth asking yourself what mental blocks are holding you back in these situations. What thoughts are surfacing in high stakes situations at school or work? What words are you saying to yourself when you think about your classes or your employer? If these thoughts and words are critical or fearful, it is time to think about where you will be in 5 or 10 years if you do not change something inside yourself. Start by recognizing when and how you seem to obstruct your progress in school or work. Keeping a journal to note your thoughts, emotions, and words during these times may help. Reading your journal may give insights into the emotions driving you to self-sabotage your studies or your professional success.
- Achieving a big life dream – As people near the end of their lives, most will regret what they did not do more than what they did do. As we age, we begin to lament the big dreams we gave up on, the book we wanted to write, the non-profit organization we wanted to start, the change in career we were too hesitant to undertake. For most of these situations, there is an underlying sense of fear. We fear the change that will ensue in our lives if we actually achieve our dreams. We may not want to explain to family or friends why we are pursuing this dream. We may fear failure and the idea of having spent time, effort, money, and emotional energy on an endeavor that is not successful. The task at hand may be so big that we become overwhelmed with taking the first step. Or we may have made significant progress but just as we get close to our goal, our fear undermines the last few steps towards the finish line. To a certain extent, it is normal to be somewhat afraid of big pursuits in life. It is said that if your dreams don’t scare you, they are not big enough. However, if we are to avoid the regret of having lived a mediocre life, with unfulfilled dreams, it is imperative that we overcome the fears associated with these dreams.
Finally, let us consider how self-sabotage can hurt a society, just as it hurts individuals. A good example of this phenomenon is the climate crisis we find ourselves in. Despite decades of overwhelming research warning us that human behavior is warming the earth in a severe and detrimental fashion, we, continue to make choices that hurt the only home we have.
The November 2021 Glasgow Climate Summit, otherwise known as COP26, ended with critics describing its mixed outcomes as meek and weak. The important 1.5 degree Celsius target of the Paris Agreement remains alive but on life support. And protestors are enraged that rich countries, largely responsible for the climate crisis to begin with, refused to pay “loss and damage” fees to poor nations. One important breakthrough, however, was the commitment of 40 countries / institutions to end public finance for oil, gas and coal projects thereby finally acknowledging the phase out of fossil fuels as an important step in mitigating the climate crisis.
The havoc nations have wreaked on our environment is a clear example of sabotage on a grand scale. The coming decade will be a decisive one for our planet. Let’s hope short term profits, political gain, and lack of will do not sabotage our future.
In closing, it should be noted that in the Quran, the story of self-sabotage by the people of Sheba is linked to the theme of ingratitude. As mentioned at the beginning of this essay, the people of Sheba were blessed with many provisions such as a fertile land and places to stop and replenish during their journeys. Unfortunately, they were not grateful for the blessings they had been given. Therefore, their orchards were destroyed.
The Quran tells us “But they turned away. So, We sent against them a devastating flood, and replaced their orchards with two others producing bitter fruit, fruitless bushes, and a few sparse thorny trees. This is how We rewarded them for their ingratitude. Would We ever punish anyone in such a way except the ungrateful? (34:16-17)
The people of Sheba, in their state of ingratitude, proceeded to self-sabotaging thoughts. We owe it to ourselves and to God to be more grateful and guard against self-sabotaging inclinations within ourselves.