In families where judging religiosity is the norm, relationships can be severely strained. For example, many people who wear hijab believe that Muslim women who don’t will go to hell. The hijab wearing women wear their hijabs because they feel that it is a form of obedience to God. By extension, they can believe the Muslim women who don’t cover are being disobedient. Conversely, some women who don’t wear hijab can view the ones who do as self-righteous.
Another example of an issue that causes friction is halal food. When Muslims eat together, the ones who eat halal food have more constraints. Other examples of issues that cause a divide are visiting swimming pools and beaches, attire such as sleeveless shirts and shorts for women, taking out student loans, using credit cards, drinking alcohol and listening to music.
It becomes hard to explain the divergent views within a family to young children who see things as black and white. It is better for children to hear a practical and simple answer to why the adults in their family have such divergent practices when it comes to religion. So how do we bridge this gap so that all in the family feel included?
The Quran emphasizes that there is no compulsion in religion. This idea is used to portray Islam as a tolerant religion to Non-Muslims. Unfortunately, many Muslims don’t practice this idea in their interactions with fellow Muslims. Inevitably, there will be divergent views in a family. Parents, siblings and grandchildren will follow religion to varying degrees and then the ones who do will follow it in a variety of ways. The idea that there is no compulsion in religion is underpinned by a deeper principle which says that everyone has his or her own religion. We view scripture from our individual lenses and therefore how we view God and religion varies. To add to the complexity, our lenses can change as we get older. It would be healthier for family members to be more tolerant of divergent practices so that they can focus on developing love and understanding as a foundation, not criticism and judgment. In order for parents to explain the idea of divergent views on religion, parents can tell their children not to judge peoples’ character by how pious or non-pious they seem but to evaluate people on their interactions with others. Are they honest and kind? Are they trustworthy? The sooner children understand the life lesson of not judging a book by its cover, the more tolerant they will become.